Twisted Scripture: The truth about self love and Jesus great commandments

Jesus said the greatest commandments were to love God with all of our hearts, souls, and minds. Then to “love our neighbors as ourselves” ​

Because humanity’s instinct is selfishness this commandment has been perverted from Jesus’ original intent. A commandment that was meant to flow outward has been turned inward. 

Today this verse is often used to emphasize self-love.
It sounds wise to say, “How can we love our neighbors unless we first learn to love ourselves?” However, Jesus didn’t say we must learn to love ourselves so that we can love others. 

Jesus wasn’t pushing for greater self-esteem. He was directing us to esteem our neighbors. He wasn’t pushing self-care. He was calling us to care for others. 

We already love ourselves. We think about our wants, needs, relationships, appearance, acceptance, and position in the world.

If you don’t believe people love themselves, I challenge you to “follow the money.” Humans are obsessed with caring for themselves. An incredible, ten billion dollars a year is spent on self-improvement. In a year Americans spend more than sixteen billion on cosmetic surgeries! In 2023 the entertainment industry raked in nearly fifty billion dollars. 

In contrast, the average American only gives 1.7% of their income to charitable causes. 
Jesus said, “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Say what you want, but the money trail shows humans have a greater heart for themselves than for others. 

This truth comes out in nearly every area of life. That’s why when a group photo is taken most people look for themselves first. 

Even at our most spiritual, the majority of our prayers are about ourselves.  

I could go all day with examples that prove this point. But let me finish with a worst-case scenario. 

The most effective way to talk down a suicidal person is to shift their thinking away from themselves and get them thinking about the other people in their lives. Why is this effective? Because in their moment of crisis, a suicidal person is locked in on their problems and pain. They are too locked in on themselves to process the tremendous harm their decision will do to others. 

The Greek word Jesus used for love is agapaó which means: to love, wish well toward, take pleasure in, or long for; It denotes the love of reason and esteem. 

Jesus’ commandment was intended to shift our focus from self to others. 

Our culture is ravaged by loneliness, anger, anxiety, and depression. Each of these problems has a heavy emphasis on self.

Imagine how dramatically different our world would be if humans spent as much time, money, and thought on the well-being of those around them as they do on themselves.

I have heard hell described as a place where everyone sits at one table filled with abundant food. The forks are six feet long and everyone lives in the continual agony of starvation because they can’t get the forks to their mouths. In contrast, Heaven is a joyous place where people enjoy God’s abundance as they scoop up food and feed the person across the table. 

The Bible tells us, “Perfect love casts out all fear.” God showed us what perfect love was by giving his son for us. Perfect love flows outward in a giving motion. It cares about others, even those who don’t care for us. There is no fear in this kind of love because it does not give to gain, but so that others may gain. 

I pray these verses help deepen your understanding of Jesus’ call and increase your faith to embrace the beauty of his commandment:

Matthew 5:44-45
But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.

John 15:12-13
“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

1 John 4:11
Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
1 John 4:19-21
We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.
Romans 12:10
Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.
Pause and pray. Spend time with the Holy Spirit. Ask God to help you see any area where you may be missing the mark of loving others. Talk to him about the love that compelled him to die for sinners. Ask him to empower you with his love. The love he poured out on the cross as he forgave the cheering crowd who put him there. Ask him to work in you to deepen your love for others. It is only through him, that we can keep the commandment to love our neighbors as ourselves.